The New Feminine

When you’re young, fun and full of bravado dating is a lot of fun. Or pain. At least you can make art out of your mistakes and chalk it up to life experience. After heartbreak, however, dating is a whole different ball game. You’ve had your heart cracked into pieces and known the depths of despair and sadness. You now know that there is more to life than espresso martinis and unsatisfying one-night stands. You’ve discovered your fourth chakra and you’ve glimpsed purpose and meaning in life. (If not, you might want to head over to my course The Process: HEARTFUL to deconstruct your post-heartbreak identity so that you can call in a life that you love.)

Don't get me wrong, sleeping around serves its purpose if you do it consciously. Sure, you can cuddle up to Chris on Thursday, have a threesome on Friday and make out with your best friend on Sunday. If you’re awakened enough that you can achieve this level of feminine opening with more than one partner, then all the power to you. But I’ve honestly never met anyone that doesn’t get hurt or confused by a cluster of partners after a while. Again, I’m not saying don’t do this. By all means if you have a lot of Scorpio in your chart or an eighth house full of planets, or you want to do it, then go out and experiment. If you’re sexually repressed or shy, go out and experiment. If you’re getting back into the game and don’t mind being hurt again go experiment. Always use protection and be upfront with your partners. Try not to equate sex with alcohol, a trap that women can get into (this will create problems further down your life).

But know that a womxn who is in her feminine essence longs for a steady masculine energy to hold her.

Because the feminine needs to be adored and held in loving security by the masculine in order for it find its full expression...even if it’s for one night.

Also you plain-old deserve a hot night or month or year of incredible connection with a masculine presence that complements you. The problem is the dating world doesn’t necessarily support this. Its astral code is built on other energies that don’t necessarily place your feminine deservingness at its centre.

The only way to get around this is to find the place in you that honestly 100% feels that it is deserving, and then to hold that in your energy with integrity and trust.

After all, the feminine essence craves the masculine to grow authentically and flourish wildly. To be clear, you can be a gay man, a trans woman, or even a hetero man and still be driven by a feminine essence. And you can sleep with someone once or for a year, whatever you want to do. But the feminine essence in you deserves the loving, secure and holding masculine essence in someone else.

Unless you decide you are exploring other reasons to date. (See the questions below)

The feminine is completed by the masculine essence that provides holding and steadiness. I’m not going to say that you are lost without a masculine essence. Many women choose to fulfill their feminine side through mothering and friendship and creativity, or unconsciously through food, worry and other less fruitful pastimes. Your desire to date is, I’m guessing, your desire to find experiences within these polarities.

Know that, part of your dating journey is about deciding how you’re going to honor this feminine essence.

Or whether you’re going to honor it. And if not, why not?

Again, you can do whatever you want, but you must be honest with yourself here, or else your purpose will be confused and your energy will be open to confusion, deception, lack of integrity etc in the dating world. And you don’t want to draw in this sort of energy in the dating game if you’re vulnerable and open.

Many women have a complicated relationship to their feminine essence, since women have suffered in a society that values the masculine over the feminine. Healing this feminine side of you is a crucial part of being a complete woman today. And dating is sure to bring up some of these wounds.

The masculine’s role in casual dating

If you’re open to casual dating and not looking for a do-or-die partner then this is for you. Part of the masculine’s strength in casual dating situations is knowing if he is solid enough to hold the feminine’s intensity; knowing when to draw back in moments of potential loss or hurt for the feminine. After all, the masculine wants freedom, independence and goal-orientated action in his life. And the feminine yearns for love, expression, heartness, security and holding.

(Remember we are all a mix of the two, and it’s important for you to know which part of you is playing this dating game.)

Let’s break this down further as to how it relates to casual dating:

When the feminine has developed feelings from the heart in a casual dating situation, but she is pretending she’s cool (only to crash out in another few days or weeks) it’s then up to the masculine to put a stop to it.

A good man, a man of integrity should be open about what he wants and and whether he is open to a relationship further down the line. Even if a woman agrees that she is into a casual fling, the masculine needs to be able to step away if he feels the woman is actually-in-real-life developing feelings (if he isn’t planning on sticking around).

Women often get hurt when they pretend they’re okay with casual sex and when their heart energy layers into the experience (so common!). Men love to not take responsiblity for this — “But she said she was good for casual sex!” And yet most men know, on a deep level, when this heart-overlap is happening. And they need to be in integrity about it.

JOURNAL

How do you feel about your feminine essence?

Were you brought up by a loving father who honored your femininity in respectful ways?

Do you feel comfortable inhabiting your feminine side? What shadow comes up for you when thinking and feeling about your feminine essence?

To be feminine is to be ______

Women are _____________

Girls should be _____________

Are you linging to be held in loving safety by the masculine?

Or do you want to experience other things?

Do you have a masculine side?

Where do you express it most? (at work, as a breadwinner, etc)

Are you more comfortable with your masculine or feminine side?

There is a lot of social shadow around the feminine, so getting clear on what comes up for you is key. If you feel any issues arising know that this is shadow. Shadow needs to be dealt with through deconstruction and heartbreak work.

LISTEN: Pop on your earphones and listen to this Inner Space Patterning about the feminine essence.

ANSWER

What did you feel when you felt your feminine side? Be honest.

(Some people feel anger, sadness or loss. Others feel excitement, anything goes.)

What were the other associated feelings?

Did you find an age that resonated with your feminine essence?

What did you see in the Patterning?

What do you know happened at that time?

How does this fit into your self concept?

How did it feel to get a healing?

Ideas

It’s important to know that even if your feminine side is wounded that you can still date. It simply takes awareness and mindfulness and self love. By doing this Inner Space Patterning whenever triggers come up, and as much as you can in moments of rest, you are able to reprogram low-self worth neural pathways and beliefs connected to the feminine.