A NOTE ON Divorce OR LONG TERM CO-PARENTING BREAK UPS

During a divorce or long-term relationship break up you are also being asked to deal with major changes that effect the organization and structure of your life. All this whilst nursing a broken heart, a shattered nervous system and a dwindling bank balance. This is why divorce is a triple whammy. It’s all encompassing — plus, the death of your hopes and dreams. You are being yanked away from what you thought would be your home, your safety and your entire future. Grieving what you thought would be your whole life is a frightening prospect. It’s enough to feel heartbroken about your ex-husband or partner, but to suddenly feel that the entire timeline of your life has changed is utterly bewildering.

With the lawyers, the courts (itself a whole other landscape to navigate) comes many challenges. That’s why it’s so important to deal with divorce related heartbreak as soon as you can, so that the unacknowledged grief doesn’t spill over into court rooms and lawyer fees. This is a recipe for disaster that can have far-reaching consequences. Often in cities such as New York or LA, hundreds of thousands of dollars are whittled away in lengthy court cases where either or both partners haven’t completed their grief; it’s money that could have paid for children’s college fees. Yet because grief hasn’t been worked through, one or both adults don’t logically see the imbalance of the situation.

With divorce, when we mourn the person/loss we can then move onto grieving the hopes and dreams. When we have grieved the hopes and dreams, we can start to begin thinking about building a new future. But it takes time and it takes small steps, and the first step you are doing today is crucial. So kudos to you for showing up here and making positive steps.