Relationship timeline

i) Now you are going to create a timeline of your relationship with this person of loss. Sit in a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted, and take a piece of blank paper.

Now write down the major turning points between you and this person from the first time you met to the last time.

we met ——— first kiss —— moved in —— first fight —- 1st issue —— 1st betrayal —- broke up

As an example: write down when you met, or when they were born, then note the first greeting, first kiss, first fight, any major issues or events that came up. Make sure you write down the last make-or-break interaction you had.

Go through it and make notes for each turning point. You are reconstructing the relationship you shared with this person — and journaling how every turning point is making you feel as you call up the memories.

So allow a few minutes for each turning point.

Allow the feelings to come up.

Detail what you needed to say to this person as each turning point happened, what needed communicating and what you didn’t yet say to them.

Your goal is to identify and highlight any unexpressed communication with this person so that you can complete this communication and heal the grief.

Let your mind and memory wander and say what needs to be said.

This exercise will help you to discover — and say — what you need to say to your person of loss.

ii) Once you have a clear idea of what needs communicating, take the timeline and sit in front of the mirror or, better yet, in front of a trusted friend and talk the timeline out loud. You’re looking to get a healing by speaking the words and expressing any unexpressed emotion as you do so. If you feel tears rising up then pause and let the tears come; if the emotion feels stuck use some friction breathing to get it moving. Then resume talking.

It can help to put on some heartfelt music whilst you do this.