The Quintessential shadow

Every quintessential feeling has a shadow side. This is how the feeling comes across in your life — in an untethered or unconscious way — if you haven’t been able to plug into the feeling and expand into it. Since we have become so good at looking to externals to fulfill our desired quintessential feelings, the shadow side is often in full unconscious operation.

To explain, most people live from their shadow, reacting and responding from this wounded place to external events. Your shadow is what tells you that you are unlovable, stupid, idiotic, selfish, lazy, the list goes on. Shadow is formed between the ages of 0 - 14 and is influenced by moments when we were shamed and told we weren’t good enough. We tucked those parts of ourselves deemed unlovable or shameful into our shadow, where those aspects act out unconsciously in our lives.

Now I’m going to give myself as an example.

My quintessence is based on the following feelings:

Delight/Joy

Power

Freedom

Elegance

I also had sparkly on my list, as well as soulful and creative. But I boiled them down to these four that seem to fulfill the other ones I have. When I’m not in balance, or before I worked on my shadow side, I tended to bounce between both the conscious and shadow side of each quality.

1) Delight —————— Impatience / boredom

2) Power —————— Ruthlessness / giving up

3) Freedom ————— Resentment / angry

4) Elegance ———— Laziness or being neurotic

How this played out in my life

1) DELIGHT: My anger was directed toward my family, but my delight was channeled into my writing work and nature.

2) POWER: As a teenager my ruthlessness was often directed toward myself, or I had feelings of revenge/destruction that caused depression. My power, meanwhile, would flash up in moments of clarity and I would manage to acheive great things, shocking everyone around me. But many, on the other hand, weren’t surprised at my ability to navigate the world in this way as they sensed this authentic, essential quality in me.

3) FREEDOM: My freedom drove me to travel endlessly, but I would boil over in resentment if anyone tried to make me stay still.

4) ELEGANCE: I didn’t own my love of elegance and luxury as a young playwright as I thought it was uncool and shameful. When not owned, it can devolve into neurosis and laziness, that is, when I’m not honoring it.

ANSWER

What is the shadow side of each quintessential feeling you have?

Look at each quintessential feeling you have and get quiet, take a deep breath, close the door.

What is the shadow side for this feeling?

Where does this play out in your life?

At what age did this shadow side take control in your life the most?

What does the shadow side of the feeling want?

How does you not owning this quality have an effect on your life?

What are the times you did own it? What happened then?

At what age did you start living from the conscious side?

What age did you most feel this feeling?

What activity most promotes this feeling?

What does this feeling want you to do?

What does it want to eat? Listen to? Make? Absorb?

Who does this feeling want to hang out with?

What does this feeling want to say to the closest three people in your life?

What does this feeling regret from your past?

Log all your thoughts about this. Discard what doesn’t work.

ACTION:

As you continue to reprogram doing the ISP from chapter two, be sure to place the shadow sides, or the bad feelings you are experiencing now, in the pile of leaves. You can use all these ISPs as you see fit. When you are triggered, use chapter two. When you are through the triggers and feeling more optimistic do the quintessence ISP from chapter four.

Remember, the more you unblock, the more space you have to fill with positive qualities and feelings.